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Harry Potter fanfic is full of life lessons!
- All the REALLY cool kids hang out with Harry.
- Anyone previously seen as evil who claim to be seeking redemption is actually taking part in a plot against the forces of light.
- Anyone who is mean to Harry or his friends is evil, regardless of the reason they were mean. These people cannot be redeemed by any act. More, they don't want to be redeemed - they actively embrace being evil.
- Anyone who is mean to Neville is evil, even if Neville is evil. Neville will be redeemed, thus making anyone mean to him evil retroactively.
- Anyone who is ugly is evil, unless they are comedy relief.
- Anyone with an unpleasant personality is evil.
- Anything Luna Lovegood says is absolutely true and correct, you are simply unable to comprehend the higher plane on which she exists.
- Don't make Harry angry. You won't like him when he's angry.
- Dumbledore is a master manipulator to such an extent that he effectively controls all of wizard Britain. Obviously, a teenager with little or no experience with the world outside his home and school is the only possible person who could hope to counter him.
- Dumbledore is both magically and politically powerful, thus is effectively omnipotent and omniscient. It therefore follows that if anything bad happens to Harry, it is because Dumbledore WANTED it to. This proves that all evil is Dumbledore's fault.
- Every famous poet, playwright, philosopher, tactician, etc. was actually a wizard.
- Harry is always right.
- Harry is ALWAYS right.
- Harry is justified doing anything he wants to evil people, including torture and cold-blooded murder, because they are evil.
- Hermoine is an insufferable know-it-all who doesn't know when to shut up. She always wants to boss Harry around because she thinks he's stupid.
- Hermoine is brilliant, and can learn and remember things faster than anyone in recorded history. She is capable of recalling the exact wording of a footnote in a book she happened to glance through as a first year student. She is Harry's other best friend, and would do anything for him.
- House elves cannot survive without being bound to a wizard. It's GOOD for them. Besides, they LIKE it. Besides, any creature that speaks pidgin isn't really a person and wouldn't know what to do with 'rights' if you gave them some. They are better off this way.
- If Harry has a brother, the brother is probably unsalvageable as a worthwhile human being.
- If Harry has a sister, she's cute and smart and everyone likes her except mean people.
- If Harry is a Slytherin, Gryphondors are either evil or clueless dorks. Or both.
- If Harry is sent to Azkaban for any reason, including murdering innocents in front of a crowd in Diagon Alley in full daylight after which he turns himself in, he is actually innocent. Or they really deserved it. Or both.
- Luna Lovegood is completely and utterly insane, and anything she says may be immediately disregarded.
- Magical limits apply to everyone except Harry.
- Muggles stole the metric system from wizards. This explains why almost everything, even ingredients in ancient potions, are measured in grams and liters.
- No one has ever been polite to the Goblins before Harry came along, including any earlier muggle-born wizards who did not know that wizards are 'supposed' to treat Goblins rudely.
- Ron is a moron, is jealous of Harry's looks, intelligence, wealth, and magical power, and will try to undercut Harry whenever possible.
- Ron is a tactical genius, Harry's best friend, and is always ready to help and support Harry.
- Scars only make evil people ugly. Good people they make look 'rugged', regardless of their extent or placement.
- Slytherins are evil, unless Harry likes them.
- The REAL Reason Harry is better than anyone else is because he's a descendant of "X". This could be Godric Gryphindor, Salazar Slytherin, all four of the founders, Merlin, High Elves, or any other person or race of sufficient significance. Because in the wizarding world, it really IS all about your bloodline, not your choices.
- There is One Perfect Person in the world for everyone who is worthy, a Soulmate who will bond with you for all eternity. This person will conveniently be someone you already know, from the same culture and region you are from, and will speak your language.
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